Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
How would I find out if my crush was a zombie?
First, I would be in that “stalker” phase. It’s the stage where you’re pretty much stalking your crush. I would observe how he walks, talks, and basically interacts with the physical world around him.
Second phase, I call it my “blood phase.” First step is to find out where he may be going to eat dinner out with friends or family. Second step would be to get the waiter’s clothes and disguise myself as a waiter. Next, I would somehow acquire an animal brain (live in the hill country, shouldn't be that hard) and serve it to him on a platter all fancy-like. If he looks up at me with a questionable face, then I would have to apologize and say that every once in a while the restaurant likes to keep the Halloween spirit alive.
Third phase, would have to be to just let all of my feelings out for him. If he just stands there with wide eyes (looks like they’re focused on my forehead) and only responds with a “uhhh,” then I should increase my suspicion that he might in face be a zombie.
Fourth phase, would be to actually see if his body is suffering from any types of either decay or skin peeling (to the point where you see muscle and bones). This phase might be difficult, but I’ll find a way. Another sign would be to see if he smells bad. If he in fact smells of death or rotting-ness, then that be a sign!
There are probably more ways to figure out if my potential boyfriend could be a zombie, but this is the level I would take it to. The most extreme would have to get a blood sample and do tests.
Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
There are three tests which would definitely tell if a loved one is a zombie or not.
1. You ask to hold their hand while walking but they refuse. This shows they are aware that zombies basically have no blood flow, thus their hands would be cold.
2. You cook them a delicious dinner where the main dish is animal brain. If they finish it by the time you are just getting ready to sit down and start eating, they are full on zombies, because zombies love brain.
3. The final and most important test is casually asking them to solve a math problem that is soo easy. If they stare at the problem for a considerable amount of time with no clue on how to solve it, they are full on zombie.
If you have zombody who passes 2 out of these 3 tests, I suggest you prepare yourself for living life loving the undead.
Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
Is simple,
Do they avoid sunlight? Do they seem to get awkward when asked what they do in their spare time? Are they seemingly weak and fragile yet have the ability to use up to 200% strength against objects?
Also note scars they may possibly have and keep acquiring..also did their ears and nose literally just fall off?! Do they deny your high fives, or give one and double over in pain as if their hand has just been crushed under an enormous amount of weight?!
If you answered yes, or maybe to any or all of these, your crush may possibly be a zombie of sorts.
Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
That's an easy one; I'd invite them out to the park on an extremely hot day. If they begin to dry out due to their clear lack of active sweat glands, then that'd prove that they're dead . I'd bring lots of moisturizer of course though; cause after I prove they're a zombie, we're goin' 1000% on the world! BWA HA HA HA HA!!! Another good method would be to cut an inch of their hair off, when they aren't attentive ; something only you would notice. A zombie wouldn't be able to grow its hair back; so if, after a while, that bit you cut off hasn't grown out to match the rest then that's even more evidence.
___________________________________________
Sanity is overrated
Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
First gather as many people as possible into a park and-have them hide in bushes-trees and-trashcans. Then invite my-crush to the park that night for-a-date. We meet under the park-lights, I look into her-eyes and take her hands in mine. She looks embarrassed. I lean-in-and-say "are you ready?" she replies with an "f-for what?" just then everybody jumps out of their hiding places and throws down cardboard boxes. I instantly execute 42 back-flips with-ease, landing on the box-pyramid that has formed and commences head-spins-10,000-rotations-per-second, causing the-boxes to-unfold and be-placed all-over-the-park. Everyone-starts to perform the sweetest break dance competition ever witnessed by human eyes. Once it comes to my-crushes-turn she is overcome with instinct of the break dance art and schools all of her opponents, until the finals. when it’s just me and her, the-crowd gathers round chanting "GO-GO-GO-" just-then-I-bring out my A-game and spin-on the tip-of-my-nose-while flipping-simultaneously and juggling-pink-chainsaws leading-into-my-signature move, the "flying-top-typhoon" which is a head-spin while kicking six-chainsaw into the-air then executing a back-flip-920 and throwing each chainsaw into the trees using nothing but my toes, but with such precision the trees are carved into fine dining chairs and tables complete with chainsaw shaped silverware all in an instant. Out-of-breath I stick the landing and say "y-your move, Nattaz Ombie." Unable to resist a challenge she steps to her break dance platform and with fire in her eyes she says "OK!" *a beat starts* one hand on the ground feet flailing every which way she says "hey guy ya ya ya check out this bra dancin' on the fla ya. I got a pure heart and loved ya from the start, I’ll drink to-ya-shawtie so why not take part, break it d-OWW ! She falls-on-the-ground. The-crowd-goes-silent, she looks up. their all holding up note-pad-papers that read "that was awesome" then everyone-cheers-for that-was-the-day Nattaz Ombie won the championship and-at-the award-ceremony she delivered-her-speech "thank-you-everyone for-this-wonderful golden-penguin-trophy for my victory, but I’m sorry, I can't except-it. For-it is-literally impossible-for-me-to-lose a break-dancing tournament. For I am... a-a zombie!" (crowd)"waaaaaaaah?" she begins to run off stage when I shout "well you love to break-dance don't ya?" she replies "y-yes but.." Before she can finish "then it doesn't matter what you are as long as we can bust the sweetest moves, then you should do it!" (crowd) "YEAH!" I then took her hand in mine and we head-spun into the sunset.
Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
Well first off I would have to figure out if my crush was dead, the common way to check this of course would be to see if she was breathing, sadly this is also true of robots so I would also have to check to see if she was made of metal, if she was not made of metal and not breathing then she may be a zombie, or just dead, now a good way to see if she is not dead but is a zombie is if she was talking so I would attempt to have a conversation with her, if she replied back but did not breath then she might be a zombie, however she may also be angry with me and thus would not talk, to make sure she was not just angry I would have to think back to make sure I had not said or done anything to anger her in the past few days which may result in her not speaking to me.
Another thing about zombies are they like to eat humans, however she may be a vegan zombie which would result in her not being interested in normal humans, this can be fixed by me making a likeness of a human out of tofu and veggies, however if she is not interested she may still be a zombie but find my cooking to be quite horrible, in which case I would have my Friend Steve make the human tofu creature and if she was interested she is most likely a vegan zombie.
Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
I think there are several ways to prove your crush’s undead authenticity. The tests should be spread out over an all day date. Start it off by asking your love interest to go to the gym. While there you should ask your date to swim some laps with you. Look to see if your date appears to be holding their breath abnormally long. Also, see if they're having difficulty staying afloat. Zombie's to do not breathe. This would cause your date to sink from a lack of oxygen in their lungs. After exercising offer a playful game of hide and seek at the park. Pick the hardest spot you can find. Any zombie, within a reasonable distance, can find a human scent with ease. When you have finished the game proceed on a walk, holding hands of course, to check for unreasonably cold hands and a lack of pulse. Be sure to pass a cemetery. If they insist you take a seat on the nearby bench to enjoy the day, your date, indeed, is probably one of the undead. End your day by having dinner at a steak house. Order yourself a steak, well done and large. If your date orders one, be watchful of their choice of cooking. A "dead" giveaway is that they will order a rare steak and it will probably be a significantly large portion. Do not eat all of your steak. Ask if they would like some of yours. If well done steak is not to their liking, but they eat it any way, something is up. Zombies love raw and bloody flesh. The well done meat would deter them, but in the end a zombie will never pass up fresh meat. When leaving, fake a car malfunction. Insist the problem requires duct tape. Pretend to busy yourself under the car. Come back to the car, start the car, and return your date home. When leaving them, kiss them goodbye, and put your hand of the back of their neck. This is where the duct tape comes into play. You will have some on your hand, made in a loop. If your date is alarmed by it sticking to their neck, tell them it must have got stuck to your hand while fixing the car. Check your duct tape. Zombie flesh is weak and will have pulled away with the duct tape.
Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
Assumptions in the Zombie business don't work out too well, especially in love relations, so in order to stay safe i have organized a set of steps or a plan to figure out if your beloved is a Zombie. I call it operation U.N.D.E.A.D (Unforgettable Night Determining if Exotic Adolescent is Dead). It is full-proof, and it gets results every time.
-Step 1- Everyone knows that a zombies worst fear is the light of the sun, so we will use this attribute to determine if your soon to be lover is undead. First gather a group of friends to help you test your lovers light sensitivity by using a system of mirrors to refract a beam of light on to an open spot of your lovers skin. If the light causes the skin to sizzle and slightly smell like a pork chop or other grilled food then your lover may be a Zombie. However if no result turns up then try to explain to your lover friend that your a bit of a pyro and wanted to see if his/her: purse, bracelet, eyeliner, wallet, bandanna, or snacks would burn. You should preferably do this in a movie theater, that way she/he would be distracted by the movie and not as focused on his/her skin turning medium rare .
-Step 2- Amputations. No one likes them or can get over them ... except zombies. Engage your soon to be lover in a long drawn out conversation about amputations and get his or her opinion on them. If his/her opinion comes off very genial and good, this could be a solid hint that he/she is a zombie. If his/her opinion comes off rather negativity and he/she sounds queasy then chances are that your lover is normal and thinks you are rather weird. To turn this situation around explain to him/her that you are becoming a doctor and this kind of stuff interests you, most likely your lover will think that's attractive, and it might even score you another date .
-Step 3- Smell your lover. Give them a strong wiff. Take in his/her smell and digest it. If the smell is a bit musty with a little bit of dead corpse aroma incorporated, then your lover is possibly a zombie. If your lover smells genuinely good like flowers and soap, then take another wiff and enjoy the fact that your lover is normal. If your lover smells of dank gym socks and sweat, do not take another wiff, and recommend a bath immediately. This may be a bit crude but it is necessary for the furthermore of your relation. If your lover is wondering why in the world you are smelling him/her in the first place explain to him/her that you got a booger in your nose and you are indeed not smelling her.
This plan is full proof. If two of the steps are confirmed, then your lover is indeed a zombie, and I hope you have a happy life filled with gore and other zombie related things
Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
I would take her on a date to a restaurant and I would pay attention to what she eats and her reactions to the food. But while we are waiting for our food I would challenge her to an arm wrestling(I know its uncommon on a date but we are talking about zombies)contest which would let me know her physical strength, the temperature of her skin and possibly if she has a pulse depending in if I could touch her wrist and check without her being curious. Than I would probably call up a friend and have him put a skii mask and have him pretend to mug us and see what her reaction is (and obviously tell him not to hurt her). Than I would take her to my pool and see her reactions to pool activities than if I didn't get the answer I would probably give up and hope she doesn't dump me and think in a freak who needs to stop watching anime lol!
Re: Is This a Zombie? How Would You Know? - Contest
Have them watch a Bruce Campbell marathon and observe them for signs of mirth and follow up with Disney cartoon fest to see if their eyes glaze over (thats right eveyone would - sorry). Or have have them watch the cooking shows about meat to see if they start drooling.
Do they seem to want to go to the malls and wander around. Do they want you to play all your collection of zombie flicks over and over. Is hanging out in a grave yard socialzing to them.
Have them walk up to a priest or minister and see they they demand their money back for having the after life all wrong.
How would I find out if my crush was a zombie?
First, I would be in that “stalker” phase. It’s the stage where you’re pretty much stalking your crush. I would observe how he walks, talks, and basically interacts with the physical world around him.
Second phase, I call it my “blood phase.” First step is to find out where he may be going to eat dinner out with friends or family. Second step would be to get the waiter’s clothes and disguise myself as a waiter. Next, I would somehow acquire an animal brain (live in the hill country, shouldn't be that hard) and serve it to him on a platter all fancy-like. If he looks up at me with a questionable face, then I would have to apologize and say that every once in a while the restaurant likes to keep the Halloween spirit alive.
Third phase, would have to be to just let all of my feelings out for him. If he just stands there with wide eyes (looks like they’re focused on my forehead) and only responds with a “uhhh,” then I should increase my suspicion that he might in face be a zombie.
Fourth phase, would be to actually see if his body is suffering from any types of either decay or skin peeling (to the point where you see muscle and bones). This phase might be difficult, but I’ll find a way. Another sign would be to see if he smells bad. If he in fact smells of death or rotting-ness, then that be a sign!
There are probably more ways to figure out if my potential boyfriend could be a zombie, but this is the level I would take it to. The most extreme would have to get a blood sample and do tests.
There are three tests which would definitely tell if a loved one is a zombie or not.
1. You ask to hold their hand while walking but they refuse. This shows they are aware that zombies basically have no blood flow, thus their hands would be cold.
2. You cook them a delicious dinner where the main dish is animal brain. If they finish it by the time you are just getting ready to sit down and start eating, they are full on zombies, because zombies love brain.
3. The final and most important test is casually asking them to solve a math problem that is soo easy. If they stare at the problem for a considerable amount of time with no clue on how to solve it, they are full on zombie.
If you have zombody who passes 2 out of these 3 tests, I suggest you prepare yourself for living life loving the undead.
Is simple,
Do they avoid sunlight? Do they seem to get awkward when asked what they do in their spare time? Are they seemingly weak and fragile yet have the ability to use up to 200% strength against objects?
Also note scars they may possibly have and keep acquiring..also did their ears and nose literally just fall off?! Do they deny your high fives, or give one and double over in pain as if their hand has just been crushed under an enormous amount of weight?!
If you answered yes, or maybe to any or all of these, your crush may possibly be a zombie of sorts.
First gather as many people as possible into a park and-have them hide in bushes-trees and-trashcans. Then invite my-crush to the park that night for-a-date. We meet under the park-lights, I look into her-eyes and take her hands in mine. She looks embarrassed. I lean-in-and-say "are you ready?" she replies with an "f-for what?" just then everybody jumps out of their hiding places and throws down cardboard boxes. I instantly execute 42 back-flips with-ease, landing on the box-pyramid that has formed and commences head-spins-10,000-rotations-per-second, causing the-boxes to-unfold and be-placed all-over-the-park. Everyone-starts to perform the sweetest break dance competition ever witnessed by human eyes. Once it comes to my-crushes-turn she is overcome with instinct of the break dance art and schools all of her opponents, until the finals. when it’s just me and her, the-crowd gathers round chanting "GO-GO-GO-" just-then-I-bring out my A-game and spin-on the tip-of-my-nose-while flipping-simultaneously and juggling-pink-chainsaws leading-into-my-signature move, the "flying-top-typhoon" which is a head-spin while kicking six-chainsaw into the-air then executing a back-flip-920 and throwing each chainsaw into the trees using nothing but my toes, but with such precision the trees are carved into fine dining chairs and tables complete with chainsaw shaped silverware all in an instant. Out-of-breath I stick the landing and say "y-your move, Nattaz Ombie." Unable to resist a challenge she steps to her break dance platform and with fire in her eyes she says "OK!" *a beat starts* one hand on the ground feet flailing every which way she says "hey guy ya ya ya check out this bra dancin' on the fla ya. I got a pure heart and loved ya from the start, I’ll drink to-ya-shawtie so why not take part, break it d-OWW ! She falls-on-the-ground. The-crowd-goes-silent, she looks up. their all holding up note-pad-papers that read "that was awesome" then everyone-cheers-for that-was-the-day Nattaz Ombie won the championship and-at-the award-ceremony she delivered-her-speech "thank-you-everyone for-this-wonderful golden-penguin-trophy for my victory, but I’m sorry, I can't except-it. For-it is-literally impossible-for-me-to-lose a break-dancing tournament. For I am... a-a zombie!" (crowd)"waaaaaaaah?" she begins to run off stage when I shout "well you love to break-dance don't ya?" she replies "y-yes but.." Before she can finish "then it doesn't matter what you are as long as we can bust the sweetest moves, then you should do it!" (crowd) "YEAH!" I then took her hand in mine and we head-spun into the sunset.
Woop woop~.
Well first off I would have to figure out if my crush was dead, the common way to check this of course would be to see if she was breathing, sadly this is also true of robots so I would also have to check to see if she was made of metal, if she was not made of metal and not breathing then she may be a zombie, or just dead, now a good way to see if she is not dead but is a zombie is if she was talking so I would attempt to have a conversation with her, if she replied back but did not breath then she might be a zombie, however she may also be angry with me and thus would not talk, to make sure she was not just angry I would have to think back to make sure I had not said or done anything to anger her in the past few days which may result in her not speaking to me.
Another thing about zombies are they like to eat humans, however she may be a vegan zombie which would result in her not being interested in normal humans, this can be fixed by me making a likeness of a human out of tofu and veggies, however if she is not interested she may still be a zombie but find my cooking to be quite horrible, in which case I would have my Friend Steve make the human tofu creature and if she was interested she is most likely a vegan zombie.
I think there are several ways to prove your crush’s undead authenticity. The tests should be spread out over an all day date. Start it off by asking your love interest to go to the gym. While there you should ask your date to swim some laps with you. Look to see if your date appears to be holding their breath abnormally long. Also, see if they're having difficulty staying afloat. Zombie's to do not breathe. This would cause your date to sink from a lack of oxygen in their lungs. After exercising offer a playful game of hide and seek at the park. Pick the hardest spot you can find. Any zombie, within a reasonable distance, can find a human scent with ease. When you have finished the game proceed on a walk, holding hands of course, to check for unreasonably cold hands and a lack of pulse. Be sure to pass a cemetery. If they insist you take a seat on the nearby bench to enjoy the day, your date, indeed, is probably one of the undead. End your day by having dinner at a steak house. Order yourself a steak, well done and large. If your date orders one, be watchful of their choice of cooking. A "dead" giveaway is that they will order a rare steak and it will probably be a significantly large portion. Do not eat all of your steak. Ask if they would like some of yours. If well done steak is not to their liking, but they eat it any way, something is up. Zombies love raw and bloody flesh. The well done meat would deter them, but in the end a zombie will never pass up fresh meat. When leaving, fake a car malfunction. Insist the problem requires duct tape. Pretend to busy yourself under the car. Come back to the car, start the car, and return your date home. When leaving them, kiss them goodbye, and put your hand of the back of their neck. This is where the duct tape comes into play. You will have some on your hand, made in a loop. If your date is alarmed by it sticking to their neck, tell them it must have got stuck to your hand while fixing the car. Check your duct tape. Zombie flesh is weak and will have pulled away with the duct tape.
Assumptions in the Zombie business don't work out too well, especially in love relations, so in order to stay safe i have organized a set of steps or a plan to figure out if your beloved is a Zombie. I call it operation U.N.D.E.A.D (Unforgettable Night Determining if Exotic Adolescent is Dead). It is full-proof, and it gets results every time.
-Step 1- Everyone knows that a zombies worst fear is the light of the sun, so we will use this attribute to determine if your soon to be lover is undead. First gather a group of friends to help you test your lovers light sensitivity by using a system of mirrors to refract a beam of light on to an open spot of your lovers skin. If the light causes the skin to sizzle and slightly smell like a pork chop or other grilled food then your lover may be a Zombie. However if no result turns up then try to explain to your lover friend that your a bit of a pyro and wanted to see if his/her: purse, bracelet, eyeliner, wallet, bandanna, or snacks would burn. You should preferably do this in a movie theater, that way she/he would be distracted by the movie and not as focused on his/her skin turning medium rare .
-Step 2- Amputations. No one likes them or can get over them ... except zombies. Engage your soon to be lover in a long drawn out conversation about amputations and get his or her opinion on them. If his/her opinion comes off very genial and good, this could be a solid hint that he/she is a zombie. If his/her opinion comes off rather negativity and he/she sounds queasy then chances are that your lover is normal and thinks you are rather weird. To turn this situation around explain to him/her that you are becoming a doctor and this kind of stuff interests you, most likely your lover will think that's attractive, and it might even score you another date .
-Step 3- Smell your lover. Give them a strong wiff. Take in his/her smell and digest it. If the smell is a bit musty with a little bit of dead corpse aroma incorporated, then your lover is possibly a zombie. If your lover smells genuinely good like flowers and soap, then take another wiff and enjoy the fact that your lover is normal. If your lover smells of dank gym socks and sweat, do not take another wiff, and recommend a bath immediately. This may be a bit crude but it is necessary for the furthermore of your relation. If your lover is wondering why in the world you are smelling him/her in the first place explain to him/her that you got a booger in your nose and you are indeed not smelling her.
This plan is full proof. If two of the steps are confirmed, then your lover is indeed a zombie, and I hope you have a happy life filled with gore and other zombie related things
The wise man has the power.
I would take her on a date to a restaurant and I would pay attention to what she eats and her reactions to the food. But while we are waiting for our food I would challenge her to an arm wrestling(I know its uncommon on a date but we are talking about zombies)contest which would let me know her physical strength, the temperature of her skin and possibly if she has a pulse depending in if I could touch her wrist and check without her being curious. Than I would probably call up a friend and have him put a skii mask and have him pretend to mug us and see what her reaction is (and obviously tell him not to hurt her). Than I would take her to my pool and see her reactions to pool activities than if I didn't get the answer I would probably give up and hope she doesn't dump me and think in a freak who needs to stop watching anime lol!
Have them watch a Bruce Campbell marathon and observe them for signs of mirth and follow up with Disney cartoon fest to see if their eyes glaze over (thats right eveyone would - sorry). Or have have them watch the cooking shows about meat to see if they start drooling.
Do they seem to want to go to the malls and wander around. Do they want you to play all your collection of zombie flicks over and over. Is hanging out in a grave yard socialzing to them.
Have them walk up to a priest or minister and see they they demand their money back for having the after life all wrong.